DURGA MENON
Psychodynamic Psychotherapy and Nature-based practices
Navigating Neuro-nonconformity
A Lived Experience Archive
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Art Work Credit: Vatsala Pandey (@vardhate)
The artwork represents the internal conflict between conformity and breaking norms as an endevour wrought with the desire to belong and its subsequent challenges when living on the spectrum
The lived experience lens breaks down the intricacies of a mental health label, thereby allowing for intersections to become a larger part of the conversation. The cover art of this series by Vatsala Pandey (@vardhate) shows the interplay between keeping and discarding - a narrative that refers to the joys, challenges, dilemmas, and uniqueness of living on the spectrum.
The collaborations intend to bring vocabulary to these experiences that goes beyond categorization or the limited diagnosis of symptoms. This allows for the psycho-social lens to enter.
This series was developed to celebrate 'Autism Awareness Month' in April, framed by the belief that the storyteller is the expert.
I am grateful for my collaborators who have brought themes on living on the spectrum to life. It has been a joy speaking and curating this series with you.
NAVIGATING NEURO-NONCONFORMITY
Click on the collaboration theme that interests you
The Perils of 'Fitting In'
'Different Strokes, Unique Folks'
Rewriting ND Inclusivity
Story-telling and Meaning-making
Shaming Diversity as 'inefficient.'
The Shadow of 'neurotypical language ' in Therapy
Invisibilizing Hypervigilance
Self-containment as shape-shifting
Tanisha shares her story, Have there been days when you know…no matter what you do, you just don't fit in?
Being autistic in a neurotypical world feels a lot like that. I've been called robotic and weird by friends, colleagues and family members over the years. Now, my writing is constantly critiqued as written by AI. My emotions are always too many or not enough. I'm frequently told that I'm really smart, but I don’t apply myself. I over-analyse jokes. And I've not been able to understand who my actual friends are, far too many times.
THEMES
The perils of not fitting in indicate the unspoken stigma that is hard to articulate when masking or mimicking becomes an alternative. In this excerpt, Tanisha shares the complexity of bearing the responsibility of showing up in relationships in a language that expects neurotypical standards. She delves into the intricacies of her mind, often finding herself feeling frustrated and exhausted by needing to translate or speak a new language in relationships. Misunderstanding and feeling out of place can bring in isolation, dependence on others to know how to fit in while bearing the responsibility of being palatable enough for the other.
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Tanisha shares her story,
After so many years, I've kind of grown used to it. I know that the world isn't always going to align with my needs, and I take care to accommodate myself whenever possible - carrying earbuds to block loud sounds or wearing a scarf to protect from bright lights, or carrying fidget toys with me. I also make my home a place where things are easily accessible for me. My home is my safe space. It's a little isolating at times. So, when a place or event says it's meant for neurodivergent folks or claims to be ND-inclusive, I get really excited. Or at least, I used to.
Because neurodivergent people are NOT all the same. People have different needs, and sometimes those needs clash. I thrive on structure. I need to know when something is happening, what we are going to do, what time we are going to meet, how it will work, etc. I need details. So when an ND space gives vague instructions, or isn't particular about timelines, or cancels plans at the last minute, it causes a lot of distress. Depending on the importance of the plan, it can push me into a state of an autistic meltdown or autistic shutdown.
THEMES
'Different strokes, Unique folks' breathes hope and optimism, fuelled by the need to be understood through uniqueness. This means bearing the labour of accommodating one's own needs to navigate sensory overload and the potential of autistic burnout. The labour of reducing over-stimulation becomes an exercise of balancing accommodation with exhaustion. This excerpt of Tanisha's story showcases the somatic experience of neuro-nonconformity.
Having tools that may seem gadgetty or cosmetic carry a different meaning for those expected to adjust to a 'noisy environment'. Designing an environment that soothes rather than constricts the nervous system becomes an intuitive instinct. Safety becomes a somatic need that seeks the right body - environment fit.
Tanisha continues to say,
And it's not just me- others also struggle because of competing or conflicting access needs.
So what do we do about it? How can we deal with it?
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Be upfront and admit that you can't be an inclusive space for everyone cuz people may have different needs. There's nothing bad with that, and it just shows that you are aware of access friction.
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Instead of saying ND friendly, explain what accommodations you're going to provide, or what others can expect. Based on that, people can read and understand whether their needs will be accommodated.
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Find creative compromises, such as offering separate spaces, rotating accessibility features, or providing alternative sensory tools (e.g., noise-canceling headphones vs. allowing noise).
Autistic voices matter, but they can't be forced to become a part of spaces meant to be safe for them, where they still struggle to find calm.
THEMES
The reality of addressing inclusivity returns to identifying the systemic failure. This begins with a distinction between a culture of inclusivity that is tokenistic versus adherence to supporting individual needs. This is where the disability politics can shape a world that acknowledges differences as a way of life, rather than a lack.
Neuro-nonconformity relies on meaning-making that is person-centric rather than problem-solving. Designing structures that are built to define 'inclusivity' from an intersectional lens begins with trial and error.
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Poonam traverses the realms of fantasy and reality as she attempts to weave a story of shame, self-expression, and softness that arrives in the attempt to let the fantasy of difference meet the harsh binaries formed from the inherent split between 'neurotypical' and 'atypical.'
THEMES
The drawing of stories into the world of 'Neverland' brings relevance to the need to re-interpret, re-imagine, and therefore fantasise about spaces that lack nuance in holding and providing that are unique to neuro-affirmative care.
The three sections mark the transition between themes
- Storytelling and Meaning-Making (A Trip to Neverland)
- Shaming Diversity as 'inefficient.'
- The Shadow of 'neurotypical language' in therapy
'A Trip to Neverland' by Poonam Sahota
Care in the storyline of Neverland uses fantasy to segue into the possibility of relinquishing the stifling grip of shame. Shame as a predominant factor in Poonam's piece showcases when masking to hide sensory overload, stimming, or social mimicry becomes a safety net when shame feels self-inflicting and powerful in ways of shaping the self through hiding, avoidance, and yet a yearning to feel safe and carefree in ways that are just right.
She goes on to illustrate how shame becomes a vehicle that disciplines those living on the spectrum through categorisation when entering the workforce. The unique strengths of being nonconforming are invisibilized as it is being labelled as 'inefficient', 'inaccurate', and 'unworthy'. The lack of productivity seen through a neurotypical gaze further isolates those working within their capacity to make others comfortable while using their memory, capacity to work quickly through focus and pattern recognition, which is often neglected as an asset.
Finally, Poonam speaks of how neurotypical language touches the therapist-client dyad, showcasing how interwoven the discrimination towards a neurodivergent client is, an active projection in the transference of a client who is used to being 'misunderstood'.
Flip through Poonam's story called 'A Trip to Neverland' (flipbook available in the caption)
Yukti shares her story,
There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from loving to learn, yet constantly finding yourself inside structures that cannot quite hold the way learning feels supportive to you. When curiosity is met with rigidity, when depth is rushed, when your way of processing and reflecting isn't given enough room, learning slowly stops feeling expansive and begins to feel unsafe.
THEMES
Hypervigilance is often invisibilized in the narrative of neuro-nonconformity associated with autism, yet it significantly shapes how a person seeks safety in a neurotypically programmed world.
Learning and adapting become a unique experience, where perception and sensory data come with doubt about how they will be processed. The ability to navigate the world comes with the intention of seeking softness, yet the rough edges of it can feel like a harsh adjustment when trying to retrieve nourishment from relationships and spaces.
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Yukti continues to say,
If you have enough such experiences, you begin to engage with the content while continuously scanning the environment: Will I be misunderstood here? Will I be too much, too slow, too raw, too emotional, too different?
This may be exacerbated in groups - creating a layered hypervigilance where attention is split between receiving information and managing risk. The risk of embarrassment, rejection, exclusion, conflict, exposure, being subtly punished for engaging differently, or a visceral sense of isolation because no one else seems to need extra help. The nervous system begins preparing not simply to learn, but to protect itself while learning. And that changes the entire texture of the experience. What should feel exploratory and alive instead becomes careful, calculated, and quietly growing into a sense of freeze.
THEMES
A deeper introspection into hypervigilance brings to life the relational aspect of seeking yet needing containment. A person who is used to living outside the bounds, where nonconformity seems homely yet isolating, essentially highlights the implicit stigma associated with being on the spectrum. The discrimination is often misunderstood as 'toughening up'. This reframing can have a detrimental effect on how safety is compromised in the name of adjusting the standards that feel unregulated, lacking structure, and predictability, before it can be digested.
When the self and its capacity to metabolise are modelled through erratic adjustment before a coherent sense of reality develops, this teaches containment based on survival and not boundary formation. This leads to risk-taking becoming a subsequent part of seeking reparation within the same world.
(Ethics of Collaborating: Disclosure must be a safe and ethical process to encourage creativity and quality of collaborative work. Each collaborator's permission was taken before online publishing, along with their right to request removal.)