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Rest, resistance and living intentionally Slow living has come to me as an antidote for chasing dreams that are far removed from unfulfilled wishes I have desired to see born come to fruition. Chasing dreams can be a wonderfully nourishing exploration of the self. However, my argument lies in my private definition of 'chasing'. Our lifestyle choices are easy to possess with online shopping on Instagram and vision boards left on Pinterest, but when did chasing become possession through purchasing power and click baits. It alters our motivation to earn, own and feel fulfilled in building our lives. In recent years, I've realized that chasing implies speed, but its pace that break or makes the lifestyle you want to create intentionally. Slow living can act as a framework to imagine rest as resistance. Rest, in a loud, over-stimulated human society is shaping up to be seen as a deviance. The deviation from being active, proactively connected to others links to the assumption that omnipresence dictates whether relationships will remain secure or fade away. Slow living gently challenges the beliefs around social presence, stating that slow living presently is about reconnecting with the rhythm of one's own pace, capacity and priorities to then be able to re-engage and reconnect with others. Slow living relishes pauses and activities that feed the self, rather than commodifying it as an object alienated from community, personal history and the environment. Slow living inculcates and invites one to wonder with significant attunement, "What does belonging taste like?". The flavors of an interconnected self signify how life design can birth a way of living that nourishes, not depletes. "What does belonging taste like?", Goa, India 2022 Image Credit - Durga Menon Western capitalism commodified human beings as labor, severing effort from fruition of unfulfilled wishes for a lifestyle that caters to each one's individual need. The definition of success, ambition and capital loses it lust when these words enter the realm of slow living. Slow living suggests finding oneself by digesting and articulating what unmet needs can be satiated through capitalism, bearing in mind our capability to nourish ourselves through individual thought, reflective dialogue and attuning to our inner world. As cited here, " Slow living is a mindset whereby you curate a more meaningful and conscious lifestyle that’s in line with what you value most in life. It means doing everything at the right speed. Instead of striving to do things faster, the slow movement focuses on doing things better. Often, that means slowing down,  doing less, and prioritising spending the right amount of time on the things that matter most to you. By slowing down and intentionally placing your true values at the heart of your lifestyle, a slow living mindset encourages you to live in self-awareness and make conscious, purposeful decisions for the benefit of your well-being and that of the planet." ( Slow Living LDN) The premise of gestalt psychotherapy strongly suggests we are what we experience in the 'here and now', a core value that is linked to the tenets of slow living illustrated by intentionality, mindfulness and quality over quantity (as suggested by a brief summary on google when you search 'slow living'). Intentionality grounds our needs when we listen to them through a process-oriented lens. Meeting physical, mental and emotional needs through a quality over quantity stance allows us to strengthen our reflective capacity, unleashing the ability to resist the unidimensional view that human beings are only worthy if they are a productive member of human society. The 'here and now' suggests freely associating with what comes up for us. Long enough practice of associative thinking will eventually develop, deepen and build curiosity around value-based reflection. Our choices can then be exercised towards designing a lifestyle that is removed from pace, advertising and outsourcing of one's own capability. We never needed to buy ourselves out through journaling, adult coloring books, advertised self-care routines or that one product that tantalizes us with the illusion of freedom at the click of a button. This is not to disregard the convenience of goods and services that serves as a backbone of capitalism Our choices often blur when intentionality leaves the room when we are advertised loudly, overriding our own intuition of what we need. Satisfaction is redefined through slow living when intentions are linked to our values rooted in our personal way of living. We redeem agency, individuality and purpose through our purchasing power when we can listen within to our desires. Desire is presented as a dangling carrot in the capitalist economy, but desire can just be a carrot ready to be consumed when the appetite for it appears. ABOUT THE AUTHOR DURGA MENON  offers online psychodynamic therapy and is an advocate for ecofriendly living. To stay tuned, visit www.ecofriendlytherapist.com   The title of this article was generated using AI prompts. REFERENCES What is slow living? Slow movement history, tips, resources, slow living LDN, https://slowlivingldn.com/what-is-slow-living/

The pandemic, as a universal experience, revives memories of collective loss, uncertainty, disorientation, and labor beyond one’s known capacity. The weight of restrictions and confinement in words like ‘lockdown,’ ‘containment zones’ and ‘curfews’ invariably births an internal dialogue within many of us. Limited space sparked independent thinking as most observed the failure of systems and societal institutions in the presence of these violent, unpredictable, contagious waves. The eventfulness of this global health crisis paradoxically brought lifelessness into people’s inner worlds when lockdowns imposed less movement. Households alternatively took on different shades acting as safe havens that momentarily felt like cages on especially labor-heavy days. The weight of responsibility began to enter family conversations marking the shift from an unconscious dialogue to conscious awareness of the impact hierarchical structures can have in creating subtle yet a permanent ripple effect on family dynamics. In Indian patriarchy, roles, responsibilities and expectations continue to be viewed as a binary, determining the weight cis-gendered men and cis-gendered women have been socially conditioned to bear. Within the confining walls of homes, physical rooms began to occupy different spaces. With proximity becoming a part of confinement, the interplay of dynamics became more visible, mirroring the way systemic norms inherently perpetuate a power imbalance between genders. Performative roles highlighted a stark contrast between domestic duties, and emotional and physical abilities between cis-gendered men and cis-gendered women. "Are we caged if we can still see outside our windows?" - Image credit: Durga Menon The impact of these socially approved patriarchal scripts has predetermined the capacity and weight cis-gendered women specifically had to bear when long periods of lockdowns seamlessly blended days into weeks that added up to months. The relentless uncertainty that was fueled by health anxiety and fear of contagion invariably required family members to find creative ways to cope by rearranging living spaces to adapt to the use of boundaries for a work from home lifestyle. While adaptation became a visible form of active coping, the heaviness borne by the labor to emotionally and mentally cope was often invalidated. Mental health needs began to enter more conversations only after recognizing the gravity of health and wellness against the backdrop of loss, death, and survival. The use of patriarchal language began to sound louder than usual in the hollow echoes created by the silence of the pandemic. The contrast between these roles began to slowly emerge from under its ‘invisibility cloak’ as domestic spaces evolved into workout spaces, offices, and study spaces in upper-class homes. During the pandemic, the distinct division of labor became more visible in domestic spaces, as the extent of it was within view daily. The capacity to navigate the weight of a pandemic showed up in conversations, emphasizing the connection between physical health and emotional well-being. For centuries, the division of labor has been conventionally labeled by societal institutions, depriving much-needed conversation around the purpose and intention of categorizing the digestion of this labor in the way it has been allocated. In language that implicitly carries a patriarchal undertone, the vocabulary most individuals are familiar with is the division of labor that is solely based on the inherent capability ascribed by physiology, anatomy, and social conditioning. However, the frequent visibility of these unyielding categories gave birth to new voices that began to waft into confinement zones. The deep silences at dinner table conversations began to shed light on the limitations of gender norms that bar individuals from diversifying their roles within the household. The qualities attributed to cis-gendered women were related to their temperament and capacity to be nurturing, caring, and gentle. The roles women unconsciously carry require them to bear the weight of wearing multiple hats that involve both physical and emotional labor. The assumption that women are more competent than their counterparts in being emotionally available and attuned further reinforced attributes that an ideal woman is supposed to have. Kitchens became stages on which women were viewed for their capacity to demonstrate their physical abilities, unconsciously erasing the effort they invested in emotionally holding a family. The weight of emotional labor was seen as a part of the physical labor that women were expected to do during the pandemic to provide care for the family. This blending of two very different capacities reduces the amount of effort in the eyes of others. This is indicative of how influential patriarchal language has been in conditioning society to view certain labor as worthy and unworthy of acknowledgment. Exhaustion and frustration that was endured may have been forgotten by others or even consciously hidden by women, as a way for housewives and working women to appear ‘good enough’ and ‘put together.’ The extent of responsibility could perhaps be erased as easily by women themselves, as emotional labor has not been considered as real, tangible measurable work. " Kitchens became stages on which women were viewed for their capacity to demonstrate their physical abilities, unconsciously erasing the effort they invested in emotionally holding a family." Image Credit - Durga Menon In mental health, psychotherapists are often viewed as all-knowing, empathetic caregivers who hold the persona of a maternal figure in the therapy room. The perception of this label, ‘maternal’ also creates an internal standard in women to work towards and achieve approval of being able to balance both work and home, without losing their maternal qualities while being able to navigate the role of a modern working woman. The brunt of this search for approval in meeting this expectation began to feel heavy when domestic and work spaces began to form under one roof as online life started becoming the norm. The grunts and pants of several women evoked the question, “Why are our daily responsibilities going unnoticed?” Unlike working women or housewives during the pandemic, therapists contractually commit to their clients giving them the agency to engage in emotional labor according to their pace, capacity, and consent to engage in such work. Working women during COVID-19 were not given the same autonomy to speak about their choice to be involved in domestic duties or prolonged periods of emotional labor. Limited freedom is a metaphor for the embodied confinement of women in these transactions of emotional labor. The embodied experience is permanently upheld and clearly defined by social reward mechanisms that shape behavior to be ‘good enough.’ Women's bodies carry an inherent programming that has been passed down through intergenerational emotional inheritance. The mechanism of social survival persists if one generation recognizes that this is valuable knowledge that will contribute to the birth and survival of the next generation. Physical labor in the form of cooking, cleaning, and managing household responsibilities have become the more visible indicators of whether women perform their duties. This has become the default path for women in seeking approval from others at the cost of invalidating other forms of labor they do. The prolonged periods between and during pandemic waves encouraged several women to question the source of their stress and frustration in an era where patriarchal language does not necessarily have to dictate roles as strongly as it did decades ago. The deep reflective silences during these waves began to create ripples. These delicate ripples took the form of hesitant utterances that challenged the intergenerational burden of emotional and physical labor women have relentlessly carried. The possibility of questioning the inflexibility of these roles is valuable, as it builds curiosity and intrigue around why generations of men and women have continued to remain fixed in their ways of managing domestic spaces. This incremental shift could evoke authentic dialogue to address the exhaustion and pain of continued labor, by allowing for nuance and deconstruction to re-invent language that is less hierarchical and more fluid. ABOUT THE AUTHOR DURGA MENON  offers online psychodynamic therapy and is an advocate for ecofriendly living. To stay tuned, visit www.ecofriendlytherapist.com

Self-observation using psychodynamic psychotherapy My previous article, ' Scubadiving into the Psyche ' emphasized on the capacity for depth when we choose self-analysis as an endeavor. However, this article delves more into what primarily signifies a psychodynamic therapy session compared to other modalities. Based on my observations and how I imagine psychotherapy, each subheading has been elaborated on. Here are 8 underlying principles that primarily contribute to my therapeutic style, acknowledging that there are more ways to develop insight to cater to a clients need. Objectively, the techniques that define an insight-oriented experience requires us to reflect and imagine. Imagination and fantasy are highly influential in allowing self-examination to take place in an organic way, with observations and reflection acting as markers and vocabulary to this experience. Free association encourages us to experience ourselves as a 'stream of consciousness', a common phrase used to describe a narrative style in literature that reveals more about the person's mental process rather than a schema of traits.  "Free association encourages us to experience ourselves as a 'stream of consciousness'. Image Credit - Durga Menon ATTUNEMENT One of the earliest experiences in a psychodynamic therapy session is experiencing attunement - a primal form of unspoken communication between a mother and child that provides the client with an ability to see themselves and hear themselves as experienced by the outside world. Feel seen in turn intends to strengthen the clients' ability to see themselves authentically without distortions. IMAGERY, METAPHORS AND DREAMING With boredom and imagination being framed as unnecessary in today's attention-hungry economy, imageries, metaphors and bringing dreams into the work become of value in find ways to experience the self creatively. Creativity, here means exploring states of mind, words and parts of the self that aid a deeper relationship with distress, where the self can understand what psychic distress is that is symptomatic to a deeper cause or truth. FILLING IN THE BLANKS Filling in the blanks initiates journeying through the psychic where road blocks are naturals, new ways to imagine the self feel distant and unexplored. The attempt to fill in the blanks when initiated by the therapist or client paves the way for developing tolerance ('sitting with') that aims to undergo the process of self-exploration rather than the end goal at an authentic pace. The capacity for tolerance deepens when we are able to name the moments we are out of depth ('I don't know'). Naming an impasse indicates the desire to keep 'going on being', before it becomes a tangible outcome of therapy that lives by its own structure and rhythm. For example, the dilemmas of direct communication for someone struggling with people-pleasing that initially served as a defense mechanism, becomes necessary to work through as one's unmet emotional needs are repeatedly suppressed by the self influenced by anger and guilt manifested as anxiety. Filling in the blanks here intends to find rooms for articulating this interpersonal anxiety as anger and guilt that needs a deeper exploration before the pattern of people-pleasing can be let go of gently. Self-exploration as envisioned by Carl Jung as Individuation endeavors to find language for an integrated self (the self, persona and 'shadow parts'). Image Credit - Durga Menon LATENT AND MANIFEST CONTENT Freudian Psychoanalysis suggests that our dreams are symbolic of our psychic wishes, conflicts and unmet needs. The intrapsychic dialogue between Id, Ego and Superego camouflages itself intending to communicate associations of the client's psyche, manifesting as symbols that may not necessarily make logical sense to the person's daily conscious living. This content whether symbolic or pointing towards the psyche's patterns intend to inform the person of their psyche's desires that aren't permitted room in conscious living requires understanding the self with a keen eye for individual and collective symbols that make human beings whole. This wholeness begins when the therapist and client engage in free association through talk therapy. I want to extend the purpose of 'manifest' and 'latent' content as the language for the therapeutic alliance that can emerge with curiosity, space and time to make the therapy a co-creative experience rather than plunging into depth through questioning that feels like excavation, not exploration. Explore means we can engage with different layers of depth to arrive at introspection and self-psychology in the presence of guiding observations (by the therapist). Pattern-recognition is only the beginning of self-awareness. Building the reflexive capacity to work through patterns using perspective to strengthens capacity for depth work. Relational practice as a part of psychotherapy transforms how we connect and belong in relationships. MEANING - MAKING Meaning-making stems from interpretation through free-associative thinking and an ongoing conversation between therapist and client that builds and 'theorizes' a self beyond what the client first defined themselves before therapy starts. To me, my immediate association to this word, is a visual of the therapist and client co-creating vocabulary - choosing alphabets and words that challenges labels by re-wording mental health experiences that were bound by a diagnostic lens or interventions that make treatment seem punitive, not creative or holistic. Parapraxis, commonly known as a Freudian slip or slip of tongue is revealing in what is really felt that needs release and room in conscious awareness. Being able to notice how we interpret and articulate our needs, desires and conflicts opens us up to seeing ourselves as complex, contradictions before we become adaptive and nuanced in the way we see ourselves in relationship dynamics and situations. PLAY and HUMOR In talk therapy, play through language is key to holding depth. Humor suspends depth enough to invite pauses and 'breathing space' as old language is cracked open before it can form into an integrated whole. Humor invites depth through acknowledged moments of absurdity, compassion when dissecting the darker, unknown parts that are emerging from unresolved conflicts or needs. In insight-oriented psychotherapy, humor is seen as an evolved defense mechanism to channel adversity into creativity and release. "In talk therapy, play through language is key to holding depth". Image Credit - Durga Menon CATHARSIS Catharsis, essentially speaks of release after a build up. The release comes after a lack of resolution or anxiety heightens before we can come down, when guided and provided an outlet to be let go of. The release from the psyche indicates where we hold unresolved conflicts, trauma and pain that translates into symptoms that are visible in conscious awareness. In therapeutic conversation, catharsis in a session may feel like build up of overwhelm before it can be released as tears. Catharsis as an experience can challenge stigma around alleviating symptoms through release rather than technique or medication. It values getting comfortable with our pain enough to learning how to gently let it go. (psychiatric care of course is important when it assists therapeutic work) PATTERN - RECOGNITION AS SELF-AWARENESS The crux of insight-oriented psychotherapy is knowing our patterns, and how they have been shaped to identify defenses and ability to adapt when working through it in therapy. Our past informs our present, and can emerge in our future when patterns operate without resolution. Repetition of patterns provide opportunity to revisit areas that are stuck, lack language or a pathway that provides an alternate form of release. Pattern-recognition is only the beginning of self-awareness. Building the reflexive capacity to work through patterns using perspective strengthens capacity for depth work and transforming how we relate to the world through the roles we embody and the relationships we derive our needs being met from. The 'I' in Insight An insight-oriented approach persists in uncovering ways that makes knowing the self accessible. Along the way, these tools mentioned above, informs self-work and hopefully assists a client in expanding their reflexive capacity outside the therapy room. Insight-oriented psychotherapy reveals arrested development, where growth becomes stumped due to adverse circumstance or relationships during a crucial development stage. This awareness, and the defense mechanisms that once aided survival can be verbalized to evolve, and help a client align with their present day needs, relationships and context. A common assumption that a 'good therapist-client fit' lies only in qualification and showcasing clinical skills doesn't hold when deeper connection is designed through curiosity, co-creation and a non-diagnostic stance. Depth work brings light to one's resistance, capacity to fantasize/dream or free associate and build insight through linking ('connecting the dots'). Insight- oriented work takes time, and this depends how competent a client is to develop the capability to draw from the tools mentioned above. The rate of change or impact through insight begins when the client is able to connect the dots at an organic pace. Insight-oriented work is often expected of the therapist to bring insight as a neatly packaged service, neglecting the core of this type of therapy. The core of insight-oriented therapy is to find out who we truly are in the process of working through our past experiences and distress. Insight-oriented therapy can be painful, powerful and grant us freedom through self-acceptance and curiosity beyond the constraints of human society and labels. I'd like end this piece with a quote that informs the primary philosophy of my clinical work. “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ― Carl Gustav Jung, Analytical Psychology ABOUT THE AUTHOR DURGA MENON  offers online psychodynamic therapy and is an advocate for ecofriendly living. To stay tuned, visit www.ecofriendlytherapist.com

On finding ourselves in a loud, algorithm-driven world The desire to engage in a deeper conversation with the self takes place in therapy rooms more often these days. The lack of feeling deeply connected to the self has to do with how little we are unable to feel deeply and authentically in our bones.  Instagram and other social media platforms are drastically impacting the pace we want to know ourselves, with self-diagnosis becoming a means to an end. While this can seem harmless, the rate at which we have access to mental health language online erodes our opportunity to sit with ourselves. Boredom is considered foolish, while quick interactions are seen as currency in today's landscape of relationships and intimacy. Today's generation of therapists are striving to advocate relational healing more then ever. Psychodynamic psychotherapists specifically hold conversations with the client’s self and their inner world by acting as a mirror, facilitating dialogue between unconscious parts of the client's self whilst carrying a relatively new responsibility of challenging and filtering out online mental health jargon entering the therapy room. "You are what you eat" - algorithms designed to keep us engaged invariably inform the language we use to understand ourselves (Image credit: wix gallery) Psychic deprivation can begun to be named in the post-modern world, when we observe whether society is modelling self-sufficiency or buying us out by externalizing our unmet needs to businesses that will guarantee us long-term well-being. Self-competence may look like 'purchasing a complete self' without the work of reality confrontation, emotional depth, revisiting our histories, and defenses that make us who we are in our unique personalities in adulthood. The competency to buy the right self-help content and digest the right language to appear 'self-aware' is a performative attempt to understanding ourselves. This attempt paradoxically deters from developing an authentic relationship with the self that begins with a felt sense of our patterns. By witnessing the self as presented to us through online interactions, self-work can be perceived as an endeavor towards perfection quickly, but I wonder if we ask ourselves enough, “Who are we becoming better for in the long run?”. Perfection applies as a standard towards working for a better self, but one can lose their attunement to observe how they are naturally unfolding, when blindly following fantasies of an ideal self. Fantasies like these disrupt our ability to listen intently to our needs with a keen awareness of capacity and compassion for the self. Authentic self-care begins when we become daringly comfortable with our unconscious mirror - attuning to our unmet needs better, to understand our capacity with nuance rather than through a one size fits all approach. 'Knowing the self' in the information era has become a higher order need in a technology-driven human world. The depth that lies in understanding the journey we navigate by meeting people and ourselves through circumstances, insight and conversation is missing. The promise for depth has become a fickle compromise within ourselves, as we begin to outsource our capacity to 'look within' using self-help books and self-care products or service as tools to keep our 'introspective muscle' alive.  What happened to knowing the self as it unravels, rather than treating ourselves as a checklist that guarantees better faster. Social media's praises for mental health support that became louder during COVID-19 has challenged the stigma of getting help, however the same online platforms have romanticized self-analysis. The therapy room is fantasized as a cornucopia of resources, promises of replenished hope in humanity, society, and healing of past wounds, and a space that pays for safety, trust, and love. This leaves therapists carrying the responsibility and weight of being pedestalized as all-encompassing providers in a world as complex as the one their clients reside in. The accountability of choosing self-awareness comes with consequences and discomfort as a result of wanting more for the self. This can’t be bought, gratified, or soothed instantly by a therapist or any individual committed to a helping or healing profession. The assumption that the self can be repaired without looking at self-inflicted wounds or past trauma points to the dilemma one needs to consider when looking at self-work. This dilemma can unravel itself when accountability can be used as a frame to identify how we use therapy when decide to sign up for it. We can choose how much awareness we want, how much work we want to put in, but more importantly we must be open to noticing when we cant soothe the urge to buy ourselves healing without sitting in the pain we once repressed, deflected or pushed ourselves away from. ABOUT THE AUTHOR DURGA MENON  offers online therapy and is an advocate for ecofriendly living. To know more about her, visit her on www.ecofriendlytherapist.com   To follow my writing, subscribe to my Substack The title of this article has been generated using AI prompts.

A metaphorical navigation of unconscious depth in psychodynamic psychotherapy ‘Scuba diving left me in touch with a myriad of emotions that remind me of what it means to engage with a psychic realm that seems unknown. While it is easy to stew in the list of unknown factors that can easily impact ‘how well’ or ‘how poorly’ a dive can go, the curiosity to explore left me dwelling on a few questions and qualms. I sat on the metaphorical shore of my mind, ‘an in-between’. The stillness was comforting while I entertained a dilemma – should I dive or rest on the shore? The process of getting ready for a dive is similar to building the readiness to embark on a therapeutic journey, along with the guidance of a trained therapist, or in my case, a scuba diving instructor. A part of the readiness includes having the money, an oxygen tank, and a supportive, safe, and kind instructor whom you can trust with your breath and be with. Similar to self-work, there is time to identify whether you can trust the waters of a therapeutic space session after session, as does scuba diving. In my case, the comfort of being able to see clearly through these crystal blue waters, swam in, gave me the fantasy of clarity and certainty. " Similar to self-work, there is time to identify whether you can trust the waters of a therapeutic space session after session, as does scuba diving. " Image Credit - Durga Menon Diving in islands is a common activity for locals who have access to the beauty of the underwater flora and fauna. The diving levels could be equated to access depth as instructed to me, starting with snorkeling, shore diving, and then deep diving, respectively. Snorkeling reminds me of our conscious awareness (the memories and thoughts we readily engage with without the concern of moderating air pressure or assessing our breathing). You are allowed to paddle and swim with a snorkeling pipe and goggles near the shore. Shore diving (a 6-meter to 8-meter dive) requires you to float gently above the water with an oxygen tank and nozzle that you wear as a backpack, so you can flip over into the water once you’re deep enough. My shore dive experience included feeling minimal pressure in my body, amidst an epiphanic moment where I felt a deep sense of synchrony between my mind and body through rhythmic breathing. Below the waves, the stillness of the water remained starkly calm in contrast to the fish and coral that moved gently against the undercurrent of the waves. In retrospect, it was in this moment that I discovered my deep fondness for scuba diving as an eye-opening endeavor that left me rolling in psychic interpretations and self-reflections by the time I had resurfaced. The shore dives remind me of how easily we can access the surface if we need to adjust our bodies to the air pressure when we feel unsettled and cannot carry the capacity to go deeper. Psychoanalytically, I am reminded of how we can see ourselves through the symbols and meanings evoked by our dreams. While dreams don’t threaten us with the depths of how little we may know ourselves, they can pique one’s curiosity about seeing one’s own unconscious. The excitement of accessing parts of myself through the shore dive left me intrigued enough to venture into even deeper waters. The deep dive ranges between 11 and 18 meters. What could be unique stressors that were specific to the deep dive were capacity-testing, and staying under darker waters amongst flora and fauna that I imagined would be ‘strange’ and ‘unfriendly’ compared to a shore dive. I felt conscious of maintaining communication between my mind and body to stabilize as I acclimatized to the air pressure one meter at a time. The language I derived through my shore dives illustrated ‘readiness’ to explore waters that seem similar yet completely novel. The doubts that I encountered didn’t have long to trickle in, once I was gently slid off the boat into yet another deeply quiet turquoise blue pool. The quiet stillness of drifting underwater was met with a deafening silence amidst fish that felt cautious of our dive, as I moved meter by meter to the bottom of the sea bed. Hermit crabs were huddling together in the sand as they do on the seashore. " While dreams don’t threaten us with the depths of how little we may know ourselves, they can pique one’s curiosity about seeing one’s own unconscious . ". Image Credit - Durga Menon The boat journey back to the shore left me in awe of my capability to stay. This very ability reminds me of some of the moments when one may think of dropping out, declining, or terminating therapy. This may be an indication of where you are in your therapeutic journey, accompanied by the struggle and uncertainty of navigating the ‘in between’ territory that resides between two realms of consciousness. This in-between can be visualized as a balance between feeling curious yet deeply preoccupied and anticipatory about what a deeper dive could reveal. The time period between the shore and the deep dive echoes a similar anxiety that is provoked by the jittery newness of transitioning from one space to the other. Anticipating one’s depth and capacity is a self-reflective muscle that begins to take shape and form after a few dives whether it’s in the sea or into one’s psyche. Our capacity to feel and think deeply as well as build a body with new organs that can oxygenate us through difficult revelations and therapeutic conversations can leave us either wanting to connect more or frantically disconnect to resurface. One of the most essential parts of staying underwater through this dive was knowing that I was not alone. Before the dive, I was briefly taught to communicate while I was in the driver’s seat through underwater signs. I was encouraged to immediately inform if my ears were in pain, if my breathing nozzle was filling up with water, or if I was feeling stable to go deeper. The divers gave me techniques so I can help myself whenever I could or communicate if I needed to resurface or swim closer towards the sea bed. A few days of diving allowed me to embrace how my mind and body could touch its potential in a short span of time through the safety and trust I built while feeling held, contained, and guided. This experience has embedded the visual metaphor of water as an energy force in me. Water carries its own rhythm and personality – its movement, depth, stillness, and tranquility. Scuba diving acts as an experiential metaphor of how accessing our inner psychic depths while feeling moved and held calmly, allows us to gently evoke emotions that reside in each realm as we go deeper from one level of conscious awareness to the next. ABOUT THE AUTHOR DURGA MENON  offers online psychodynamic therapy and is an advocate for ecofriendly living. To stay tuned, visit www.ecofriendlytherapist.com   The title of this article was generated using AI prompts.

The formation of a personality comes from a myriad of influences. I experience this very construct as fluid though it is often bound by patterns that hold psychic dilemmas and the inner world of a person. The fluidity evolves into a distinct identity, as a person comes into their own as an individual in human society. The juxtaposition of qualities depicts how implicitly relational the making up of a personality is - it is a co-created product informed by the environment, object relation of caregivers and complexities of navigating human society. Personality is dynamic, contrary to the belief that there is enough information online that prescribes personality traits and predictability of behavior as watered-down categories designed for quick deduction and assessment of the whole self through a trait-based criteria of person's behavior. Our relationships influence our personalities. Personalities carry an undertone of morality when categorized. These enables the view that personalities can be slotted into ‘good ones’ and ‘bad ones’. The good ones become the golden standard, a form of model behavior, leaving very little room for experiencing personality traits and behaviors as a spectrum. While categorization and labels have immensely contributed to solidifying the belief that objectivity helps understand people’s ways of being, it takes away from the deeply nuanced inner world of psychic dynamism. This photograph was captured by Durga Menon The psychic world responds to adapting to human society, shaped by how we communicate to the first group we are born into- our family. Our responses are developed through attunement that acts as an unspoken language between the caregiver and child. The experience of care is extremely crucial in how the fluid nature of personality is touched - the ripples of the psyche influence how one interacts, withdraws and plays with the self and others. The mother-child dyad plays a developmental role in how the child experiences containment and its predictability - it impacts the way a child understands whether they can be held, heard, and seen and if this is being registered by those who are meant to care for him or her. The pattern of these ripples signifies the intensity of the 'mother-child' dyad - the gentle flitting of a skipping stone on the surface, a drop of a stone into depth, or an intentional plunk that sends waves into the psyche of a child. The language for stability and balance is formed here, along with capacity for reality and self-reflection. When the formative years of containment within the dyad or the family system are experienced as chaotic, the child begins to internalize and associate relationships in the same way eventually creating a permanent sense of chaos that begins to emerge as traits that make sense to the individual. “I am consistently inconsistent in my being.” “I am permanently in touch with dysregulation that feels familiar and containing ” “The capacity to hold and manage has been left in me and so it is left to me to be there for myself.” Personality difficulties and traits are a by-product of early experiences and coping mechanisms that are chosen to hold one in the absence and presence of a container, mostly in the context of care that has lacked continuity and consistency outside of a crisis. The implicit language that is tied to the diagnostic criteria for any of the 'personality disorders’ suggest that abnormality doesn't have a conceivable path for reparation. I am reminded of how clinical psychology seeks impact through labeling and being able to ‘name it’ in the therapy room. However, the mark that is left from such a conversation isn't compassionately modelled. The word, 'dis-order' implies that authoritarian language has the license to correct, reprimand and discipline patterns that are viewed as deviant. Thus, norms and expectations by others who are ‘orderly’ (seemingly put together) are granted permission to extend themselves to care for those who have traits that are erratic and disruptive. Disorder as a choice of description is 'othering' leaving those who have experienced difficulty in sustaining themselves in relationships to fend for themselves outside the margin of systemic care and support. This strongly points to how systemic failure is at a linguistic level, let alone the lack of resources to those looking to understand their distress I have heard a range of anecdotes where clinical and psychiatric support is sensitive to the patient’s need for diagnostic labels, and careful assessment is conducted across sessions. More often, I have heard of patients being taken through the conversation of a diagnosis that has been communicated through a checklist of statements. In my fantasy, I am in touch with the shame, isolation, and self-disgust that an undiagnosed patient may feel in trying to make sense of themselves almost at the mercy of these seemingly rigid criteria that resist their imagination of themselves, putting them in boxes and treatment interventions that repeatedly tell them in a few words or none that they are ‘not healthy’, ‘not enough’, and ‘not capable or deserving of goodness’. The abrasive language and exclusion after a PD label has been given are ignored, as if care stops at the label. The imagination of clinical psychology and psychiatry is limited by diagnostic language, leaving patients inheriting the same meaning-making mechanisms for their lived experiences.. The term, personality difficulties sit with me better as a practitioner and someone who has found my fantasies of my clients slowly withering into a lifeless grey moldy substance when it has been listed as traits reducing the psychic dilemmas and the complexity of personality dynamism into bullet points. Personality difficulties, to me as a phrase sparks a curiosity to delve into the context and attachment style that has evolved from early caregiving, deprivation, and need management. At the moment, I feel curious to understand the depth of it and expand my language on personality as a spectrum and so the word difficulties put me in touch with being able to look at one’s sense of self as unique, complex, and nuanced rather than problematic, needs fixing and worthy of intervention by a ‘healthier’, ‘all-knowing’ authoritarian language. ABOUT THE AUTHOR DURGA MENON offers online therapy and is an advocate for ecofriendly living. To know more about her, visit her on www.ecofriendlytherapist.com To follow my writing, subscribe to my Substack